Tonight, all four of us were in the car driving home from dinner. I remembered as we were chatting that I hadn't told Ella about Sadie's hearing tests a few days ago. I told her that Sadie got to go see her audiologist, Dr. Robin which Ella thought was cool. Then she asked "So, does Sadie have hearing loss?" and I said "Nope. She did well on her tests" (which were just follow up, precautionary tests because of the family history). Ella immediately said "Yay!!!...I mean, awww :-( " Chris and I looked at each other sadly and he asked her "Why did you say "Yay" then "Aww"? Chris and I held hands, knowing the answer but curious how she would communicate it. She said "Well, I'm happy that she doesn't have hearing loss but I'm sad that she's not like me."
Chris validated her feelings and encouraged Ella for being mature enough to know what she was feeling and explain it to us (can you tell he's married to a therapist? ha!) It was a tough moment and touched on a pain I've felt before. In the hospital when Sadie was born, they came in to tell us that she'd passed her newborn hearing screening (which Ella failed). We were obviously anxious to hear the results and I burst into tears. I had to explain, once I calmed down that I was happy about the results and partially crying in happiness over the relief that Sadie (and I) won't have to deal with the burden and limitations of hearing loss. However, 90% of the reason I was crying was the heartbreak of the moment we'd have to tell Ella that Sadie wasn't like her. That her hopes of passing on her hearing aids to her baby sister weren't necessary. My heart broke for my first born being "alone" in this burden.
When we initially told Ella we didn't make a big deal of it and she hasn't mentioned it much over the last year of Sadie's life. So, it was tough to hear Ella speak exactly what I feared today. But, she is a super resilient, sweet girl who really does seem to want the best for Sadie. I'm not worried about her. What a blessing that she's learning early to face challenges, even when they make you different and others don't understand. I have no doubts she's well on her way to being a woman of strong character and not hearing so well is simply part of what is making her that. As for Sadie, we're thankful for her hearing and also that she'll grow up in a family that will cause her to be notably grateful for something so many take for granted. As far as I can see, hearing loss has really been more of an opportunity for teachable moments, gratitude and pushing through challenges than any kind of "loss." God's growing our family exactly the way he knows is best. It's an appropriate week to be thankful for that :-)
