We have entered uncharted territory. We've been blessed so far that though Ella hasn't had the best behavior, she has not been one to have tantrums. Maybe 5 minutes at a time and very rarely. Well, that is OVER. It all started about 6 weeks ago when Ella very cutely decided she didn't want to wear zip up pajamas anymore but wanted pants and a shirt. When we asked her why she said "to be just like Mommy." How can you resist that request? Besides, it was almost warm enough to transition out of foot-ey pajamas anyway. Well, as soon as Ella had a few new pairs of 2 piece pajamas, chaos ensued. She started having tantrums because she didn't want to get dressed in the morning and take the beloved pajamas off. A couple times this meant she wailed and flailed from the moment she woke up until she arrived at school. INSANITY.
Soon, the pajama obsession shifted to dresses. Almost overnight Ella went from almost never wearing dresses to full tantrums DAILY about getting dressed. Mostly because she's been wanting to wear "a dress with no sleeves" every day for about a month (and it's been in the 40's and raining for a good chunk of that time).
I heard a recent radio show with Dr.Dobson on "preschool power struggles", read a number of articles, plus my own common sense that tell me clothes wars are just not worth it. Especially if any part of it is to protect my own pride about having a child who looks normal. So, I'm trying to choose my battles so right now since this willingness to "freak out" is pervasive. I DO fight about wearing hearing aids, and telling the truth, and being nice to people. I try NOT to fight about clothes, or hair, or even food. Ella has made it clear that she does not like jeans (they're too scratchy) and really likes dresses and "soft pants" (leggings, knit pants). So, I've bought her some more clothes that fit her preferences (and that I like) so both of us can be happy more often. Also, it's somehow become summer overnight so sleeveless dresses are finally not a hazard to her health.
I've prayed hard about how best to love Ella and remain calm during this tough phase. God has spoken clearly-I need to keep my perspective on the big picture of what I'm doing. I'm training a child to know God and love people. What she wears to school on picture day seems far less important in light of that truth. Ephesians 6:4 says "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." So, if you see us and Ella's wearing striped leggings, a polka dot dress, and scruffy looking shoes on the wrong feet (no joke-that's what she wore twice last week) just give me a nod of encouragement knowing that I hopefully, chose the right battle that day :-)
You're a great mom...and before you know it Ella won't want to wear dresses anymore. when I was little I told my mom what I wanted to wear before I could even talk! I wore a dress every single day until 4th or 5th grade.
ReplyDeleteCorinne, you are approaching it perfectly. A couple of months ago, Holly started wanting to pick out her own clothes, with no input from me. I was fine with that until she started coming downstairs with truly hideous outfits -- a striped shirt and different colored striped pants. Or a pink striped shirt under a green shirt with bright red pants. But she was always SO proud that I didn't have the heart to say "um...that really doesn't go together, honey!" So I just let her wear her awful outfits and praised her for doing it all by herself. I realized that 99% of the reason I wanted her to look nice was for ME, so that people didn't think I actually dressed my daughter that way. It was pride, that simple. :) We are always being stretched as moms, aren't we?!
ReplyDeleteI love your perspective. In a couple of days I'm going to need you to talk me off the ledge and help me find the right perspective on dealing with C and his current insanity.
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