My SIL posted a link to this on her blog a few months ago and being in need of some encouragement as I deal with a rather fragile child lately*, I decided to make it my own. Moments ago, I spent a little time rewording it a little bit to fit me and our family a little better, printed it out, and hung it in the kitchen where I'll see it often. There's lots of great encouragement to raise kids the way I long to-with joy, grace, lots of hugs, and aware of God's constant presence. Here's the original version, hope it's an encouragement to you too!
*I think the anticipation of the new baby is affecting Ella (and all of us) quite a bit. She's had a hard time obeying lately and been tearful and tantrum-ing more than ever in life in the last couple weeks. She's also been much more clingy to me and MUCH more affectionate than ever in her life (that's been a positive thing!) It's nice that rather than just acting out, she can verbalize things like "Mom, I just need as much time with you as possible before the baby comes" or "I'm worried you won't have time for me when the baby comes" except that it's completely heartbreaking!! Anyway, we'll get through this transition but I needed some hang-it-on-the-kitchen-wall-type encouragement!
A
10 Point Manifesto for Joyful Mothering
1. Today, I will make our home a house of prayer. I will pray at set times. And I will invite our children to come move into an interior space that lives with God.
2. Today, I will transfigure all things into beauty, and I will refuse to see anything else.
3. Today, I will not have any emergencies. There are no emergencies! Only amateurs hurry.
4. Today, when stress mounts, I pray to dismount it with gratitude. My stress management plan will be intervention with verbal thanks. I can only feel one feeling at a time, and I choose to give thanks at all times. Fight feeling with feeling!
5. Today, I will pray to speak words that are only STRONG words, words that make these children feel strong. Grace words. Grace is the only non-toxic air. All other words I breathe are death words.
6. Today, I will pray to be consistently consistent. I will create safe rhythms that our children can find security in. I will create daily ceremonies because everyday we are CELEBRATING the gift of now!
7. Today, the moment when I am most repelled by a child's behavior, that is my sign to draw the very closest to that child.
8. Today, I will hug each of my children as many times as I serve them meals -- because children's hearts feed on touch. I'll look for as many opportunities to touch my children today as possible --- the taller they are, the more so.
9. Today, my priorities will be all Things Unseen.
10. Today, I will laugh! And I will let the little children laugh! I will create a culture of JOY!
Showing posts with label bad behavior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad behavior. Show all posts
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Monday, November 23, 2009
Behavior Modification Part 2
So, Ella would live on carbs, sugar, and milk (which has both!) if she could. I've been feeling frustrated lately with her lack of interest in vegetables and fruit and the battle it is to get her to eat them. And, I've decided 4 is too young to get away with eating what you want because you wear Mommy out. So, we're going hard core. Chris and I decided that we are going to assume our rightful roles as the ones who determine if our child is healthy or not. So, Operation Fruit and Vegetables is in full swing. Here's the plan.
Ella needs to eat a serving of fruit (at breakfast) and vegetables (at lunch and dinner) first. That's all she will be served when she sits down to a meal. If she eats ALL of it (no more bargaining with "3 more green beans!!) she can have the rest of the meal. If she doesn't eat it, she gets nothing else to eat. We feel confident she will not starve if she misses a meal (although this does pull on my heart strings) so we're going to hold our ground.
Drinks are another issue because since birth Ella has been a milk lover and would gladly consumer all her calories in liquid form. So, we already limit her milk and (diluted) juice intake but these will also be saved for after veggies/fruits are consumed so she can't fill up on them. Plus, if she eats more healthy stuff she may not need her regular prune juice to keep her "regular" (she's also been constipated since birth-sorry if that's TMI but come on, this is a mom blog).
So, we started yesterday and she's doing GREAT! I'm sure rough spots are around the corner (and this is much harder to enforce if we're not home) but so far she's been a hero! I must confess she did cry the first morning and said through tears "Mommy, it will hurt my feelings if I have to eat vegetables every day." I validated her feelings of sadness (I am a therapist after all) and then we talked about how Mommy and Daddy are in charge of helping her grow up healthy so we're doing this to make her healthy not sad. She got over it and ate her oranges :-)
Today she ate a bowl of peas at lunch and didn't even bat an eyelash. Last week she probably would have eaten 3 peas after whining about it and then fed them to the dog while I wasn't looking or just eaten all her sandwich and said she was too full for peas. Well girl, I'm on to you. The dog is in her crate for meal times and you can't be full because you can't eat anything else first!!
So, we're excited and perhaps naively hopeful, that she'll develop a like for more fruits and vegetables through this experiment. I really do love most vegetables so I'm hoping I can model that. We've told her that when she starts to eat all her veggies without complaining, we'll know she's ready to have them served with her other food. So, wish us luck! We're psyched!
Ella needs to eat a serving of fruit (at breakfast) and vegetables (at lunch and dinner) first. That's all she will be served when she sits down to a meal. If she eats ALL of it (no more bargaining with "3 more green beans!!) she can have the rest of the meal. If she doesn't eat it, she gets nothing else to eat. We feel confident she will not starve if she misses a meal (although this does pull on my heart strings) so we're going to hold our ground.
Drinks are another issue because since birth Ella has been a milk lover and would gladly consumer all her calories in liquid form. So, we already limit her milk and (diluted) juice intake but these will also be saved for after veggies/fruits are consumed so she can't fill up on them. Plus, if she eats more healthy stuff she may not need her regular prune juice to keep her "regular" (she's also been constipated since birth-sorry if that's TMI but come on, this is a mom blog).
So, we started yesterday and she's doing GREAT! I'm sure rough spots are around the corner (and this is much harder to enforce if we're not home) but so far she's been a hero! I must confess she did cry the first morning and said through tears "Mommy, it will hurt my feelings if I have to eat vegetables every day." I validated her feelings of sadness (I am a therapist after all) and then we talked about how Mommy and Daddy are in charge of helping her grow up healthy so we're doing this to make her healthy not sad. She got over it and ate her oranges :-)
Today she ate a bowl of peas at lunch and didn't even bat an eyelash. Last week she probably would have eaten 3 peas after whining about it and then fed them to the dog while I wasn't looking or just eaten all her sandwich and said she was too full for peas. Well girl, I'm on to you. The dog is in her crate for meal times and you can't be full because you can't eat anything else first!!
So, we're excited and perhaps naively hopeful, that she'll develop a like for more fruits and vegetables through this experiment. I really do love most vegetables so I'm hoping I can model that. We've told her that when she starts to eat all her veggies without complaining, we'll know she's ready to have them served with her other food. So, wish us luck! We're psyched!
Behavior Modification Part 1
I promise I'll post about Ella's birthday soon but that involves looking through 400 pictures (literally) so it'll have to wait.
I did want to document some new "behavior modification" measures we're starting this week. If you remember, we've used the school bus for a REALLY long time. It worked well but the novelty wore off and wasn't specific enough (she got kids on her school bus for any positive thing, lost them for any negative thing). So, we borrowed an idea Amy (my SIL) who borrowed it from another friend: a sticker chart where Ella gets stickers for certain behaviors. Here's the list (the ones with stars are the ones that have recently been causing a lot of problems):
I obeyed right away! *
I got dressed without whining! *
I fed Raleigh!
I stayed in my bed at night! *
I stayed in my room for rest time! *
I ate a serving of vegetables! *
I ate a serving of fruit!
I drank a cup of water!
I cleaned up my room!
Then it has this verse as encouragement for Ella and for us :-)
We started it Saturday and right now Ella has 9 stickers!! The rewards are as follows:
10 stickers: piece of candy
20 stickers: a little toy from a treasure box (this box is still in the making)
30 stickers: gets to go to/rent a movie or get ice cream
I'm a little uncomfortable with food as rewards (especially in light of Beh. Mod. Part 2) so we may rethink that but for now I think it's ok. It makes her really happy and reinforces the idea that treats are "sometimes" foods not things we have every day (thanks Sesame Street!).
So, we're excited about the new chart, Ella's psyched about it and is doing pretty darn well. I hope this builds into her a sense of responsibility and respect for authority and self-control. I also hope that our responses to missteps give her a solid understanding of grace.
I'll let you know how it goes!
I did want to document some new "behavior modification" measures we're starting this week. If you remember, we've used the school bus for a REALLY long time. It worked well but the novelty wore off and wasn't specific enough (she got kids on her school bus for any positive thing, lost them for any negative thing). So, we borrowed an idea Amy (my SIL) who borrowed it from another friend: a sticker chart where Ella gets stickers for certain behaviors. Here's the list (the ones with stars are the ones that have recently been causing a lot of problems):
I obeyed right away! *
I got dressed without whining! *
I fed Raleigh!
I stayed in my bed at night! *
I stayed in my room for rest time! *
I ate a serving of vegetables! *
I ate a serving of fruit!
I drank a cup of water!
I cleaned up my room!
Then it has this verse as encouragement for Ella and for us :-)
“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up”.
Galatians 6:9 (New Living Translation)
We started it Saturday and right now Ella has 9 stickers!! The rewards are as follows:
10 stickers: piece of candy
20 stickers: a little toy from a treasure box (this box is still in the making)
30 stickers: gets to go to/rent a movie or get ice cream
I'm a little uncomfortable with food as rewards (especially in light of Beh. Mod. Part 2) so we may rethink that but for now I think it's ok. It makes her really happy and reinforces the idea that treats are "sometimes" foods not things we have every day (thanks Sesame Street!).
So, we're excited about the new chart, Ella's psyched about it and is doing pretty darn well. I hope this builds into her a sense of responsibility and respect for authority and self-control. I also hope that our responses to missteps give her a solid understanding of grace.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Choosing Battles
We have entered uncharted territory. We've been blessed so far that though Ella hasn't had the best behavior, she has not been one to have tantrums. Maybe 5 minutes at a time and very rarely. Well, that is OVER. It all started about 6 weeks ago when Ella very cutely decided she didn't want to wear zip up pajamas anymore but wanted pants and a shirt. When we asked her why she said "to be just like Mommy." How can you resist that request? Besides, it was almost warm enough to transition out of foot-ey pajamas anyway. Well, as soon as Ella had a few new pairs of 2 piece pajamas, chaos ensued. She started having tantrums because she didn't want to get dressed in the morning and take the beloved pajamas off. A couple times this meant she wailed and flailed from the moment she woke up until she arrived at school. INSANITY.
Soon, the pajama obsession shifted to dresses. Almost overnight Ella went from almost never wearing dresses to full tantrums DAILY about getting dressed. Mostly because she's been wanting to wear "a dress with no sleeves" every day for about a month (and it's been in the 40's and raining for a good chunk of that time).
I heard a recent radio show with Dr.Dobson on "preschool power struggles", read a number of articles, plus my own common sense that tell me clothes wars are just not worth it. Especially if any part of it is to protect my own pride about having a child who looks normal. So, I'm trying to choose my battles so right now since this willingness to "freak out" is pervasive. I DO fight about wearing hearing aids, and telling the truth, and being nice to people. I try NOT to fight about clothes, or hair, or even food. Ella has made it clear that she does not like jeans (they're too scratchy) and really likes dresses and "soft pants" (leggings, knit pants). So, I've bought her some more clothes that fit her preferences (and that I like) so both of us can be happy more often. Also, it's somehow become summer overnight so sleeveless dresses are finally not a hazard to her health.
I've prayed hard about how best to love Ella and remain calm during this tough phase. God has spoken clearly-I need to keep my perspective on the big picture of what I'm doing. I'm training a child to know God and love people. What she wears to school on picture day seems far less important in light of that truth. Ephesians 6:4 says "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." So, if you see us and Ella's wearing striped leggings, a polka dot dress, and scruffy looking shoes on the wrong feet (no joke-that's what she wore twice last week) just give me a nod of encouragement knowing that I hopefully, chose the right battle that day :-)
Soon, the pajama obsession shifted to dresses. Almost overnight Ella went from almost never wearing dresses to full tantrums DAILY about getting dressed. Mostly because she's been wanting to wear "a dress with no sleeves" every day for about a month (and it's been in the 40's and raining for a good chunk of that time).
I heard a recent radio show with Dr.Dobson on "preschool power struggles", read a number of articles, plus my own common sense that tell me clothes wars are just not worth it. Especially if any part of it is to protect my own pride about having a child who looks normal. So, I'm trying to choose my battles so right now since this willingness to "freak out" is pervasive. I DO fight about wearing hearing aids, and telling the truth, and being nice to people. I try NOT to fight about clothes, or hair, or even food. Ella has made it clear that she does not like jeans (they're too scratchy) and really likes dresses and "soft pants" (leggings, knit pants). So, I've bought her some more clothes that fit her preferences (and that I like) so both of us can be happy more often. Also, it's somehow become summer overnight so sleeveless dresses are finally not a hazard to her health.
I've prayed hard about how best to love Ella and remain calm during this tough phase. God has spoken clearly-I need to keep my perspective on the big picture of what I'm doing. I'm training a child to know God and love people. What she wears to school on picture day seems far less important in light of that truth. Ephesians 6:4 says "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." So, if you see us and Ella's wearing striped leggings, a polka dot dress, and scruffy looking shoes on the wrong feet (no joke-that's what she wore twice last week) just give me a nod of encouragement knowing that I hopefully, chose the right battle that day :-)
Monday, April 13, 2009
Photo Shoot with Abuela
As we're getting in the car to go to my parents house after hours of Ella driving me crazy:
Me: (imagine smoke coming out of my ears) Ella get in your seat now. I am so frustrated with you right now.
Ella: (pouting and stomping) Ahhhhhh! I am SO FWUSTWATED with you too. (pause) Mom? We're fwustwated with each other! Ahhhhh!
So here's what happened. My mom wanted to get some pictures taken for her business' website and wanted Ella in them (Ella's name is part of her business' name) so we went over there last week for a photo shoot with the photographer my mom hired. Ella was having a WRETCHED day (which means I was having an even more WRETCHED day) and she was HORRENDOUS during most of the photo shoot (are you sensing an attitude theme here?). The photo shoot was complete with a full on tantrum about changing her clothes and refusing to smile or stay still or sit or stand or whatever she was asked to do. Ella stayed and had dinner with my parents afterwards (I left to regain my sanity for about an hour-thanks Erin!). During dinner Ella apparently told my parents about the conversation she and I had earlier that day after hours of fighting/crying/timeouts etc. about staying in rest time/not changing her clothes/wearing a sleeveless dress in 40 degrees etc. They were so amused that she knows the word "frustrated." Meanwhile, I can't imagine her not knowing it because it's come up so often lately. Ella's behavior seems to go in spurts-she has bad weeks every few months. And boy are we in the midst of it. Anyway, here are some pics. She's told me she really can be a nice girl when I don't "fwustwate" her :-)
Me: (imagine smoke coming out of my ears) Ella get in your seat now. I am so frustrated with you right now.
Ella: (pouting and stomping) Ahhhhhh! I am SO FWUSTWATED with you too. (pause) Mom? We're fwustwated with each other! Ahhhhh!
So here's what happened. My mom wanted to get some pictures taken for her business' website and wanted Ella in them (Ella's name is part of her business' name) so we went over there last week for a photo shoot with the photographer my mom hired. Ella was having a WRETCHED day (which means I was having an even more WRETCHED day) and she was HORRENDOUS during most of the photo shoot (are you sensing an attitude theme here?). The photo shoot was complete with a full on tantrum about changing her clothes and refusing to smile or stay still or sit or stand or whatever she was asked to do. Ella stayed and had dinner with my parents afterwards (I left to regain my sanity for about an hour-thanks Erin!). During dinner Ella apparently told my parents about the conversation she and I had earlier that day after hours of fighting/crying/timeouts etc. about staying in rest time/not changing her clothes/wearing a sleeveless dress in 40 degrees etc. They were so amused that she knows the word "frustrated." Meanwhile, I can't imagine her not knowing it because it's come up so often lately. Ella's behavior seems to go in spurts-she has bad weeks every few months. And boy are we in the midst of it. Anyway, here are some pics. She's told me she really can be a nice girl when I don't "fwustwate" her :-)
Thursday, July 31, 2008
We DO NOT scream!
Ella was at my parents last week and helping my mom "clean" by wiping everything she could reach with a wipe. At one point my mom turned around and saw her wiping the outlet on the wall...
Mom: ELLA! NO!!!! (Loudly)
Ella (startled, quiet for a minute then walked toward my mom and then in a very serious tone) : Abuela, we do not scream. We talk about it. DO NOT SCREAM. You just talk about it.
I was cracking up when my mom told me this-I can hear myself saying those exact words to her almost daily. I guess in some weird way it's sticking!
She has been a HELLION for the last two days but today is much better so far. Yesterday I lost my temper and really yelled at her for the first time in her life. I've never heard myself say "Come here now" so meanly (is that a word?) EVER, to anyone. I apologized to her later and I hope I don't let her get the best of me like that anymore (or at least only annually or so). As for today going better, the only thing that's different is how much I've been praying for her (and that Holly took her for 2 hrs this morning so I didn't lose my mind). I'm trying to figure out the best way to inspire respect in her and get her to do things the first time I tell her to. I'm open to tips from you blog readers...
Also, at lunch at Holly's today, Holly and I were chatting and eating (thanks for the Chinese food Hol!) and Ella was sitting and eating quietly (yay Ella). If that wasn't good enough, out of nowhere she said "Mom, I love you and you're very pretty." Awwww...she can be so sweet! When I told her I loved her and that she's pretty too she said "I know, I'm is pretty!" Oh well, grammar and humility are definitely skills to worry about another day.
Mom: ELLA! NO!!!! (Loudly)
Ella (startled, quiet for a minute then walked toward my mom and then in a very serious tone) : Abuela, we do not scream. We talk about it. DO NOT SCREAM. You just talk about it.
I was cracking up when my mom told me this-I can hear myself saying those exact words to her almost daily. I guess in some weird way it's sticking!
She has been a HELLION for the last two days but today is much better so far. Yesterday I lost my temper and really yelled at her for the first time in her life. I've never heard myself say "Come here now" so meanly (is that a word?) EVER, to anyone. I apologized to her later and I hope I don't let her get the best of me like that anymore (or at least only annually or so). As for today going better, the only thing that's different is how much I've been praying for her (and that Holly took her for 2 hrs this morning so I didn't lose my mind). I'm trying to figure out the best way to inspire respect in her and get her to do things the first time I tell her to. I'm open to tips from you blog readers...
Also, at lunch at Holly's today, Holly and I were chatting and eating (thanks for the Chinese food Hol!) and Ella was sitting and eating quietly (yay Ella). If that wasn't good enough, out of nowhere she said "Mom, I love you and you're very pretty." Awwww...she can be so sweet! When I told her I loved her and that she's pretty too she said "I know, I'm is pretty!" Oh well, grammar and humility are definitely skills to worry about another day.
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